With all the global craziness in the economic, political and social arenas, it seems that pretty much anything can happen. I’ve long said that nothing surprises me anymore and while I may not mean that literally, it sure holds a lot of weight to it if you think about it.

Seeing as how most these talking heads, pundits (educated fools in many cases) were almost totally wrong about everything, I thought I’d throw out my own theory on what’s going to happen-and what to do about it.

The way I see it, it all started with the meat…

The food industry tries to pass everything off as safe to eat. It’s funny because I read a meme that talked about how the food industry doesn’t talk to the health industry and vice versa so no wonder we as a society generally are over weight and don‘t eat right. What if this cloned meat that’s been on the market in conjunction with the hormones they put in chicken, beef and pork actually ended up being the major source for cancer being such an epidemic. Of course they saw this coming years ago but instead of alerting the public they construe a more sinister plan. They used cell phones.

Stick with me, this is where it gets crazy…er.

It turns out that the push to get everyone to use cell phones was an attempt to halt the rising tide of cancer from poisonous meats. The cell phones were to emit cellular waves (or whatever they call it) that penetrate the body and wipe out the cancerously mutated cells. But instead the waves activated a dormant part of the cancerous tissue that somehow mutates the host organism into what we would consider an infected person.

I choose infected as a plausible scenario because that seemed more likely to happen. Unless God is planning some smiting with zombies as a tool, I don’t think we have to worry about it. However, the chance for a 28 Weeks Later scenario is likely. Imagine the hysteria when ant-infected FEMA camps start springing up everywhere. None of our anti-biotics would work, they’re woefully underpowered now for any super bugs upcoming so what if the Walking Dead and the Left 4 Dead series are attempts to gauge possible public response to our undead hungry friends!

You saw Contagion. I’m just saying.

Of course this is where zombie-kenpo comes into play; something that I’ve been working on in my spare time with Wayne and Banner. The idea is simple: use traditional kenpo on non-infected humans who want to jack your last canteen of potable water and enhanced zombie-kenpo for those no longer with us. It’s still under wraps as I perfect the techniques but to give you hint; it involves lots of long sharp objects (apt for cleaving your foes) and baseball bats. I would strongly suggest reading the must have survival guide by Max Brooks entitled The Zombie Survival Guide. It is a must read for anyone serious about the coming zombie/infected apocalypse

In closing I‘d like to say that while this is completely and totally a joke (maybe), it would be wise of us to take note of what‘s going on around us. There‘s some crazy stuff going on and it‘s better to be prepared than not.

And don’t forget your cardio: