“Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.” Sir Walter Scott
The question is, who are you deceiving?

Well we know it isn’t God because He knows what we’re going to do before we do it. That means that the only person that you can fool with any kind of reliable consistency or timing is yourself.

We deceive ourselves better than anyone else.

I was sitting in my physical anthropology class this morning, ready to take an exam. I didn’t go to bed until 4 in the morning because I wanted to make sure that Mendel and his peas would be correctly described. That and I had taken a break from studying to race a few laps in Forza 4.0

The exam consisted of 17 different definitions and four essay questions and we were instructed to all bring a blue book so we could write down our answers. Our professor instructed us to first hand in all the blue books so she could make sure there wasn’t any non-sense going on, and when she went to pass them back out, she noticed something.

“I can tell you now looking at this stack of blue books that not everyone brought one in.”

In fact, there were three students who didn’t have one to take the test. Our professor rightfully scolded the class about integrity and the like but no one stepped up. The three individuals that were now taking advantage of the situation said absolutely nothing; despite several requests to do so. Good for them (and the class really) there were several students who just so happened to have an extra blue book with them and so from a technical standpoint, the issue was resolved.

My professor was not a happy camper, and let us know as much. And, like I said above, she was right to be upset. No matter how you slice it, that’s just wrong.

This is when I had my David moment.

So while the teacher was getting upset, I was getting upset. I mean seriously, what kind of scumbag would do something like that? Why would you screw your classmates over? I tell you what, if I didn’t get my blue book back somebody is catching a…

“Look who’s talking…”

Now, if you’re a believer, you already know where that came from. I was convicted faster than I could get the words out of my mind. Whatever thought bubble of verbal retribution I had imagined was popped, and suddenly I found myself a lot like David did when we was convicted.

David wasn’t having any of that when he was confronted with his own sins. At first he was all like: “I can’t believe someone would do something like that, I would cut off his head!”

Good thing for him (and us) that we aren’t judged with the same measuring stick we often apply to others.

Now, I didn’t break out ashes and sackcloth and start weeping; I’m still in class mind you, but I knew I was wrong for jumping to conclusions and getting upset. What if they didn’t have the money to get the blue book and they were embarrassed? Or, what if they had genuinely forgotten about it? And then there’s the straight up, they did it because they knew they could.

It really doesn’t’ matter what the reason was, but I tell you what, I had one of the most intense, inner feelings of hypocrisy that I have ever had.

I can’t say that I’ve done that very same thing–I could have when I was younger, but I don’t remember, so if I did and you’re reading this I apologize. At any rate I was thinking to myself how quick we can be to jump on and judge other people, but don’t do that to ourselves. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn’t exist. That being said, likewise, the greatest trick we pull on ourselves, is convincing ourselves that our own sins don’t exist.

I hope that didn’t come out wrong, because I know that thru the atoning blood of Christ we are washed of all our sins: past, present and future. Amen for that, I tell you what. But that doesn’t mean that you necessarily “let it go, “ once you’ve repented. I know for me, I have a very long list of things I need to forget. I know I’ve been forgiven, but that remainder still lingers. That’s why I chose the picture up above.

The picture is from the movie Constantine (why isn’t there a sequel yet, I really liked that movie!) but when I saw it, I pictured myself turning to face a mirror but instead of my own image, I see my own past. More exactly, I could see the wreckage of my past. People I’ve hurt, things I’ve done–things I’ve done to myself…all of that had me thinking about Godly things in the middle of a physical anthropology exam.

Mendel and his darn peas would have to wait, I need to figure this out.

So I’m sitting at my desk having this “intense battle” waging in my mind while at the same time writing an essay question on the things in common between Tay-Sachs and Sickle Cell. I don’t want you to think that I was all worked up over this, but I kind of was so when I realized that I had no room to talk, I wanted to crawl under my desk and take a nap.

It doesn’t really matter that the circumstances were different but we’ve all been in that situation at one time or another. When you’re standing in judgment of a person or situation, without knowing all the facts, it just makes you look really stupid and not to mention it’s just plain wrong. Yeah what they did wasn’t right but there are loads of things that I’ve done in my life that weren’t right so who am I to judge my three classmates? Let alone, anyone else!

I let it go, told David thanks for serving as a reminder and then proceeded to define what an allele was per order of the test. I liked the fact that I was convicted so quickly but at the same time it was really freaking scary. The last few weeks have been WEIRD to say the least. I know for a fact that it’s God moving but man I tell you; when he starts moving, he moves. We often try and confine him to space/time as we know it, and that doesn’t apply to Him. Instead All those times I was like “Lord, use me, tell me what you want to do!” and now that he’s saying something I’m freaking out. We think he moves slow but he’s really moving at a speed that let’s us and those around us that are involved, catch up. You have to be ready for a blessing or you’ll blow it. At least that was my understanding of all this.

All is well though because I know that it’s in his hands and he wouldn’t have me do something that was meant to hurt me, and I no matter who you are or where you go, somebody isn’t going to like you. I used to have a problem with that because, you want to be liked. But God willing I’ll turn 35 this month and frankly, I’m way too old to care about the opinion of haters. Don’t hate back but don’t succumb to the hate is what I’m trying to say.

I tend to ramble so I’ll wrap it up with three things I walked away with after class:

1) Stop passing judgment on people because you’re no better (and possibly worse) than the person you’re tripping on. I know this and practice it but still you get caught up somtimes.

2) If you’ve repented in earnest, let it go. To not do so–and I know it’s hard because I do it all the time–is insulting to Jesus because in actuality you’re really saying his blood wasn’t and isn’t good enough to cleanse you.

3) Next time bring an extra scantron or blue book because it’s better to help than to hate.

Have a blessed day and thanks for reading.