I don’t know about you, but I can’t stand to watch people beg for forgiveness, especially celebrities. In the case of Paula Deen, it’s especially excruciating. Not because–like many celebs–she is disingenuous, but because I don’t think someone should have their life ruined over something so trivial.

There is a very big difference between the words “nigger” and “nigga(h).” When it’s said with the er ending, that almost always is used to be insulting, the latter is used in common everyday speech amongst today’s younger people. In Ms. Deen’s case, I believe she used the er version when describing a rather violent incident to her husband. In the 1980’s Ms. Deen was a bank teller when an armed, black gunman took over the bank she was working at. According to her story, she ended up with a gun to her head and when recounting the story to her husband, she admitted under oath, that she had used the term. As far as I’m concerned, she gets a pass dropping an N bomb when describing that situation to her husband. It was said in private first and foremost, but also as important, she had a right to say it. I can totally believe that she was upset and/or distraught when recounting the robbery and so in the “heat of the moment” dropping an N bomb isn’t bad, especially when the situation sort of calls for it. I know had it been me or many of you reading this, you would would’ve dropped an N bomb as well.

No matter what version she used or the intent behind it, the next thing we should consider is if this is even a word that we should be using. If we’re going to say that it’s wrong, then it’s wrong, and no body should use it, no matter what version of you’re using. Jay Z and Kanye West both released new albums during the same time frame as this happening and both of those albums drop way more N bombs than Ms. Deen is said to have uttered. So what are we saying, that it’s alright for certain people (re: ethnicities) to use it, but others can’t? I say if it’s wrong, it’s wrong and no one should get away with using it. Some get rich off of it while others get burnt at the stake and too me, that’s not right. I think it’s far more fair to say that the word, in any form, should be considered and insult, not just for certain people.

Undoubtedly some of you are balking at the idea that Jay Z and Kanye’s use of the word is the same as Ms. Deen, and to that I would say that you are correct. However, the way that the argument is framed, it’s because of the very word itself, not just who uses it. If the aforementioned celebrities can make millions using it, Ms. Deen should be forgiven using it under stress.

What I find more troubling is the story that Ms. Deen wanted to do a “true southern wedding,” complete with an all black serving crew. Ms. Deen is reported to have said, “You know in the Shirley Temple days, they used to tap dance around.” That bothers me way more, but even then I barely care because I don’t give words power over me.

The last time I checked, most Americans claim to be Christian. If that is the case, then why are so many so unforgiving of Ms. Deen? Why are we paying attention to someone’s downfall, and in some case, relishing in it? Last time I checked those weren’t Christian principles. The woman said she was sorry, and I believe her. Leave her be, there’s no need to ruin her life.

Although Jesse Jackson “stepped up” to be the voice of the black community and to help Ms. Deen “redeem” herself, I have chosen to speak for myself. Ms. Deen, if you are reading this, as a black man, I forgive you. Don’t worry about it. Go on with your life. And keep frying that chicken.