I’m in a good place right now in my life. For a few years, things were pretty dark. If you go back and read some of my older posts, you can see what I’m talking about. Suicidal, manic, anxious…all symptoms of my bipolar. I finally found the correct mix of meds and I’m now not in such a dark place.

I always say, thank God for meds. I didn’t always feel this way. I used to be really against medications because of all the side effects they have. But self-medicating wasn’t the answer. I had to learn that the hard way. A steady diet of liquor and cannabis only fed my demons. I tried everything but going to the Lord. I was ashamed. My sins were many and great in scope. I hated myself for what I had become, not one redeeming quality about me. I was a degenerate, sinner worthy of hell. Then, Jesus stepped in. He saved me. No one will ever be able to tell me that God isn’t good. I’m living proof. When no one else could help me, it was Him that reached his hand out and took hold of me. His words comforted me. His blessings were abundant.

One of the things I struggle with is letting go of the past. I’ve done some awful things in my life, and He knows all about it. The thing is, He didn’t hold that against me. Once I earnestly repented it and turned my face towards Him, I was washed clean. I can’t describe the feeling you get when you realize that your sins have been forgiven. However, the devil doesn’t let that go so easily. I still doubt myself. I still hold on to my past, these things I did. The people I hurt, it’s a never-ending trek through the jungle of life, but the difference is now, I have the best guide you could ask for.

Praise the Lord.

Scripture says to have a faith as small as a mustard seed. That’s me. My faith may not as big as others but I can’t compare myself to others. I’m running my own race. Little by little, I’m getting stronger but I’m not there yet. I’m excited to see where God takes me in the future. I know thru Him; I can be the godly man I envision myself as. I may have to struggle up the mountain, but with Jesus, I know I’ll reach the top.

Amen.